Needed Some Ironing

At a nursing home, there are two very old men who sit on the porch all day and reminisce together about the old days.

They don't realize it, but they have attracted the attention of two elderly women who walk by them. But the ladies go unnoticed due partially to the men’s conversation and bad sight.

The women decide to really get the men’s' attention and walk by them naked the next day.

One man turns to the other and says:
"Did you see that?"
The other replies," Sure did."
"What was it?"
"I don't know, but it sure could have used some ironing."

BROKEN AND MENDED

A little hurt can fret us all the way.
A little cloud can somehow dim our day.
A small unkindness – words in anger spoken,
A little slight – and then our hearts are broken.

A little kindness cheers us all along,
A helpful word and then our hearts grow strong.
A kindly thought: misunderstanding ended.
A friendly act – and then our hearts are mended.

Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker followed me, the Boss said to her, "And where do you think you're going?"
She said, "I'm obviously going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

OPTIMISM

It’s hard to keep smiling when troubles are filing.
Their weight on your neck till it’s sprained;
It’s hard to keep grinning when others are winning
The prizes for which you have strained.

It’s hard to be cherry on days wet and dreary,
When everything near you looks drowned.
It’s hard to be sunny when all of your money
Is sunk in a hole in the ground.

But how will it aid you, when woe has waylaid you,
To rumble and grumble and swear?

There’s nothing that’s healing in kicking the ceiling,
Or hitting the rungs of your chair.

It’s hard to look pleasant when anguish is present,
And yet it is strictly worthwhile,
Not all of you scowling and fussing and growling
Can show off your grit like a smile?

WHY DON’T YOU LAUGH?

Why don’t you laugh when troubles come,

Instead of sitting around so sour and glum?

You cannot have all play and sunshine every day;

When troubles come, I say why don’t you laugh?

Why don’t you laugh?

It will ever help to soothe the aches and pains.

No road in life is smooth ---

There’s many an unseen bump and many a hidden stump,

Over which you’ll have to jump.

Why don’t you laugh?

Why don’t you laugh?

Don’t let your spirits wilt.

Don’t sit and cry because the milk is spilt.

If you would mend it now,

Pray let me tell you how;

Why don’t you laugh?

Why don’t you laugh?

And make all laugh, too

And keep us mortals from getting blue?

A laugh will always win;

If you can’t laugh, just grin ---

Let’s all join in!

Why don’t you laugh?

The Touch of the Master’s Hand

It was battered and scarred and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely is worth his while
To waste this time on the old violin
But he held it up with a smile.

“What am I bid, good folks.” He cried.
“Who’ll start the bidding for me?”
A dollar – a dollar – now two, only two –
Two dollars and who’ll make it three?”

Three dollars once; three dollars twice,
Going for three – but NO!
From the room far back,
A grey haired man came forward and picked up the bow.

Then wiping the dust from the old violin
And tightening up all of the strings,
He played a melody pure and sweet –
As sweet as the angel sings.

The music ceased, and the auctioneer
With a voice that was quiet and low
Said: “What am I bed for the old violin?”
And he held it up with the bow.

“A thousand dollars – and who’ll make it two?
Two thousand – and who’ll make it three?
Three thousand once, three thousand twice –
And going and gone,” said he.

The people cheered, but some of them said,
“We do not understand –
“What changed its worth?”
The man replied:
“The touch of the master’s hand.”

And many a person with life out of tune
And battered and torn with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to a thoughtless crowd
Much like the old violin.

A mess of pottage, a glass of wine,
A game – and they travel on.
They’re going once and going twice,
They’re going…and almost gone.
But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd
Never can quite understand
The worth of a SOUL, and the change that’s wrought
By THE TOUCH OF THE MASTER’S HAND.

HEAVEN’S GROCERY STORE

HEAVEN’S GROCERY STORE

I was walking down life’s highway a long time ago.

One day I saw a sign that read: Heaven’s Grocery store.

As I got a little closer, the door came open wide.

And when I came to myself I was standing inside.

I saw a host of angels. They were standing everywhere.

One handed me a basket and said: “My child, shop with care.

Everything a Christina needed was in the Grocery Store,

And all you couldn’t carry, you could come back the next day.”

First, I got some PATIENCE. LOVE was in the same row.

Further down was UNDERSTANDING,

You need that every where you go.

I got a box or two of WISDOM,

A bag or two of FAITH;

I couldn’t miss the HOLY SPIRIT for it was

All over the place.

I stopped to get some STRENGTH and COURAGE

To help me run the race.

But then my basket was getting full,

But I remembered I needed some GRACE.

I didn’t forget SALVATION, for Salvation that was free,

So I tried to get enough of that to save both you and me.

Then I started up the counter to pay the grocery bill,

For I thought I had everything to do my Mater’s will.

As I went up the aisle, I saw PRAYER and

I just had to put that in,

For I knew when I stepped outside,

I would run right into SIN.

PEACE and JOY were plentiful,

They were on the last shelf;

SONGS and PRAISES were hanging near

So I just helped myself.

Then I said to the Angel,

“How much do I owe?”

He just smiled and said,

“Just take them everywhere you go”

Again I smiled at him and said,

“how much do I owe?”

The Sngel smile again and said:

“MY CHILD…….

JESUS PAID YOUR BILL A LONG TIME AGO.”